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A bit more of what my ol' Pappy called "Oklahoma shithouse philosophy"...
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Pearls of Wisdom:
DON'T FEAR THE REEFER
DISCOVER THE EARTH
DON'T POSTPONE JOY
EDUCATION IS EVERYWHERE
DON'T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME
FOLLOW YOUR HEART
FEAR IS ILLUSION
FIND THE CLITORIS
GROOVE MATTERS
HOOK ME UP, BABY!
GROOVE IS IN THE HEART
GO BEYOND ENOUGH
LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO SMOKE CHEAP POT
I WOULD DO ME
THANK YOU FOR POT SMOKING
WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET A BONG?
I WANNA BE JUST LIKE ME
I SPENT MOST OF MY MONEY ON DRUGS, WOMEN AND LIQUOR...THEN JUST WASTED THE REST
BEING A FAT, BALDING, MUMBLING DRUG ADDICT DOES NOT MAKEYOU ELVIS!
THE WORD OF THE DAY IS LEGS...SPREAD THE WORD!
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More Pearls:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the
male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
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Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered
yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help
ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will
notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that
prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover
many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.
Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who
wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of
grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip
Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
New liquor warning labels:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass
kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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illegal smile...Musical Performance, Songwriting,Audio and Video Production
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